The Value of Closure

By Danny Gelb

Virtually every dispute that we mediate has two common elements that at least one party is hoping to acheive from the mediation.  The primary is usually the financial consideration of money and the secondary is an acknowledgement from the other party that they have done wrong.  In some cases the latter is of more importance than the former.  I often say to people that the fairest result at mediation is when both parties walk away having resolved the dispute feeling unhappy with the outcome, however the outcome that they have agreed to is something that they can live with. At first many people struggle with this concept of both parties being unhappy is a fair outcome.  

Think for a moment about buy a house or even a car.  If both the buyer and seller are unhappy with price paid then the buyer thinks he has paid too much and the seller things he has sold it too cheap.  So in reality there is a very good chance that it changed hands for a fair market value.  Now if either the buyer or the seller is overjoyed with the price then that indicates that they believe that the transaction happened at a level that was not at fair market price.

So why then might you ask would someone one agree to a settlement that they are not happy with?  The reason is because although they are not happy with the result it is a result that they can live with taking everything else into consideration.  By far the biggest slice of the "everything else" pie is the value of closure.  There are many other slices to this pie such as: -

Cost

There is an ongoing financial cost to an unresolved dispute such as lawyers, other advisors and even the lost interest on the money you have not yet recieved.

Time

Most people say that their time costs them nothing.  Personally I beg to differ.  Yes I agree that you do not need to pay yourself for your own time involved in resolving a dispute, however if the dispute was not happening, how would you be spending that time elsewhere?  Would it be used to generate additional income, or perhaps quality time with your partner and children, rest, recreation and relaxation time for yourself?

Emotional Value

Even though this in not a tangable element it usually is the biggest of these slices.  The unfortunate part is that the true value of this is not generally realised until a few days after the dispute has been resolved. What I do see on a regular basis is the weight of the world lift from someone's shoulders once the dispute is verbally resolved.  It is a wonderful transformation to watch and one of the most satisfying aspects of being involved in this industry.  People often ask me what does a mediatior do? I tell them I help improve people's lives.  People arrive at my mediations angry, upset, agrieved and generally really unhappy.  It's not uncommon for emotions to take over during a mediation with the resulting tears, and yes I am refering to both genders. To then see the physical change in the person once the agreement is reached is truely an amazing sight. I get regular calls from parties that have attended my mediation thanking me for freeing them of the burdon of their dispute and usually they say that the only thing they regret is not going to mediation earlier.

If you have been through a dispute then most probably this page will be preaching to the converted.  If you are in a dispute I urge you to trust me on this one as you can not fully apreciate what I am saying here until you have experienced it for yourself.